I Can Only Be Me

So this week flew by for me so much so that it seems like a blur, but I feel like i've learned so much about myself in just a few days. I think this has to do with the fact that most of my classes make me think about music and about my purpose as a musician and such. It sucks that it took this long for someone to finally ask me, "why did YOU choose to be a musician. And what do you want to do with your life?" Its really strange actually...professors are actually listening to the words that are coming from my mouth; like really listening. Its not that typical nod that they give coupled with them moving on really fast to a new subject. It's them listening and asking more and more questions as I go. SO what did I learn this week you ask?

1.) You get what you give

I practiced this well for probably 2 or so hours a day and then another 2+ hours of rehearsals everyday this week, but it was apparent by my lesson that I wasn't giving everything I could. So what I Got in my lesson was a mediocre etude that could have been better and an unpolished piece. I mean, it was passable but definitely needed work. Then something weird happened...I got ashamed of what I played. I realized I could do so much better and give so much more. I was shortchanging myself....wasting my tuition money away. It was clear; To become a better I need to make sure what I am holding up my end of the bargain.

2.) Get down or get OUT!

No one likes a player who is just a place filler. I am the type of person who feels like I am wasting my and everyone else's time if I am playing so soft that it is inaudible. I found myself telling people over and over to play louder, GO for it. That is what we came to school for....to take our playing somewhere it has never been before, right? So, how can we take our playing to the next level if we are afraid to go there. We never know until we try, and trying gives us the chance to be successful and success breeds more success.

I read a quote this week that said, "The moment we start being afraid to make mistakes is the moment we stop growing as a musician." Think about it

3.) I can only be me

Lastly, this week has taught me that I can only be me. I read an article that talked about how there is beauty in having a personality to your horn sound. Copy cats lose themselves, and a listener would much rather listen to someone who plays musically, makes mistakes, and has a personality than someone who plays "perfectly" with no emotions. Then the article talked about tone color and such in relation to the same topic.

I sat after I read the article...and now that Im thinking about I believe it was a section of the book, "The Art of Trumpet Playing", and I pondered, and I listen to different people in my studio at ECU, and then it hit me. I can only be me. I can't play with your tone color, I can't play with your control, I can't play with your anything...because God made us different. Physically we are not the same, so why in my mind was I thinking that what we produce from the horn is going to be exactly the same.

I need to embrace my sound. I need to love my sound. I need to love my perfections and imperfections, because in essence it means that I am loving me. I am loving myself for the good and the bad, and fixing the things I can along the way. Because when it is all said and done, and I walk across that stage to continue my journey where ever life may take me, I have to realize that I can only be me.